We have finally decided on a name for baby girl and are ready to share. So many people have been asking and trying to guess what it is since all we’ve mentioned is the first letter. This was not really meant to tease anyone but just our way of waiting to inform the public until we had a chance to tell all our family members first. 🙂
The name we have chosen is Hannah Ruth. The name Ruth has been used on my side of the family for generations and happens to be my middle name as well.
However the name Hannah has much more significance to me than just being a family name. Bear with me as I try to explain what I mean by that statement.
This past year has been filled with a lot of sorrow surrounding family members and close friends. Shortly before I discovered I was pregnant my sister had miscarried her sixth child. My sister-in-law had also experienced two previous miscarriages but was pregnant again. My nephew Simon Kinnard was born still at 26 1/2 weeks. He and Hannah would have only been a few weeks apart in birth dates. In the past few months two close friends from church experienced miscarriages as well.
For a while I didn’t want to talk about or mention our coming baby since it seemed like it would be rubbing salt into an open wound with so many of those around us dealing with sorrow over losing their own babies. I didn’t want my baby to be salt but instead a balm. Hense the name Hannah.
Hannah will always be my reminder of the sorrow and struggles of the women around me and also of the power of God. Hannah in the Bible longed desperately for a child of her own. She came to the point of giving back to God the one thing she longed for the most – a baby. Put that in today’s perspective and it would be the same as a woman trying for years to conceive. When she finally does give birth to that precious baby, she immediately gives him up for adoption. Think you’d have the strength to do that?!?!?!? I know I wouldn’t be able to!
The story of Hannah just proves that God can work miracles in our sinful hearts and that we too can learn to choose God’s will above our own in any circumstance.
My Hannah isn’t even born yet and she is already teaching me many lessons. Since deciding on her name, I’ve been struggling with this very issue of trusting God and placing His will above my own. This week I was given the news that my body is only a tenth of a centimeter away from being full pre-term labor. Even though I am trying to do all that I can to hold back the onset of labor, I know there is a very strong possibility that Hannah will make her entrance into this world even earlier than her older brothers did.
After receiving the news of what was happening inside my body, the memories of A’s birth flooded my mind. I was reliving the terror of watching from the other side of the delivery room as the hospital staff fervently worked at pumping oxygen into his collapsed lungs and getting his heart beating again. Those were the longest minutes of my life as I had to wait to see if my son would live or die and ones I don’t want to have to go through again. Knowing that Hannah is most likely going to come even earlier and could have even more severe complications sent terror and hopelessness coursing through me. It’s hard not to place the blame on my own shoulders because I feel like I am placing my unborn baby at risk simply because my body is broken.
Then I was reminded of “Hannah.” Instead of allowing myself to wallow in my fear and emotions, I began to beg God to help me chose His will over mine and to always remember that Hannah is NOT mine but His. He knows the number of hairs on her little head and exactly how many breaths she will take here on earth. No matter what I might want or dream for her, God’s sovereignty will rule. I can either rejoice in the knowledge that God is working even at this time to use Hannah to teach me a lesson in trust or I can worry away every minute until I am a nutcase because so much of it is totally out of my control.
So as I reflect back on all that has happened and is still happening in our lives, I praise God for the lives of all those little ones that even though I never got to meet or hold them they had a mighty purpose in life. For me, that purpose was helping to prepare me for this moment and in helping us choose the name Hannah so that we would always be reminded to put God first no matter what.